20 comments on “Pathétique

  1. I don’t generally like rhyme ( it’s difficult to do well without compromising with mediocre choice of words). But this I like, the lilt, the cheek, the dance of it. Somehow a Shakespeare spell!

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  2. Wow, this is such a cool rhythm, the way the sentences are broken to drive you forward into the next couplet. Really nice imagery too. Like like like.

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  3. This is really wonderful. Everything is true to the mood of pain and disillusionment. The sensory stimulation is potent, and I nearly puked when I got to the mouthful of ash. The rhymes are so carefully chosen, and all of the couplets work. Some of them are particularly good–“sit wings that I ripped / from faeries who slipped / through fencing I built / from splinters of guilt”–Ouch!

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